The Sessions Are Coming!
The Sessions Are Coming!

Enough already! Pru Watch is sick and tired of all this bitching and moaning about RV sessions (as if viewing is all there is to RV). It's time for us to come clean and tell you what we've REALLY been up to!

Pru Watch has been secretly developing a new, advanced RV methodology loosely based on the crude protocols — "so-so-matics" — once used by 3rd-rate remote viewer Pru Calabrese of Transdimensional Systems. Like Calabrese, Pru Watch has been willing to incorporate unscientific, untested ideas derived from experiential and theoretical fancy into government-researched, Controlled Remote Viewing (CRV) methodology in the interests of dumbing it down and making a fast buck. But Pru Watch has gone far beyond Pru Calabrese' original, toilet-inspired vision of mediocrity by identifying the single most important factor affecting the accuracy of an RV session: humor.

That's right, folks! This amazing break-through allowed us to synthesize so-so-matics with weight-loss pills, subway graffiti, kazoo music, geriatric water aerobics, deviant Internet sex, Drano, and other secret paraconscious-enhancing elements into a super-sophisticated RV technology that is absolutely 100% GUARANTEED to produce 100% ACCURATE results. We call our new, advanced methodology "Fanciful Remote Viewing" or FRV™.

In the weeks and months ahead, Pru Watch will demonstrate this new, advanced, 100% accurate FRV™ methodology RIGHT HERE ON THIS VERY WEBPAGE primarily using front-loaded, unverifiable, esoteric targets. Check back often!

Let the Sessions Begin!
Well, alrighty, then!


Because the success of FRV™ hinges on an almost-lethal injection of humor into the remote viewing process, the first and foremost rule is: KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. Criticism is verboten and frowns are clowned-upon. Expect an 8-martini result. In fact, let's all take a break right now, to stretch our legs and mix up a couple of martinis. Remote viewing is supposed to be fun, so let's party! Yay!


Where was I? Oh, yeah....

OK, our demonstration project has the coordinate INITRAM, which is "martini" spelled backwards, and the target is "Describe the current location of the PruMeister." Oh, darn. I guess I shouldn't have identified the target upfront. But let's not forget the cardinal rule in FRV™ which is KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. It doesn't have to be perfect! You get what you get—and I got front-loaded!

No harm done. Hey, pass around the martinis. Let's all get front-loaded! Yay!

Note: In some rigid, backass circles (read: the big, bad, meatball military), front-loading is a "no-no". This is a negative attitude and it has no place in FRV™.


Like Pru Calabrese of Transdimensional Systems, we at Pru Watch don't particularly care to trouble our perpetually-in-theta minds with pesky administrative details like obtaining business licenses. Nonetheless, on Page One of my demonstration FRV™ session, at the very top, there's some administrative junk I'm gonna jot down. (This stuff isn't really necessary, but the imperial, patriarchical, Neanderthal CRVocracy does it, and we want FRV™ to look official, so we'll do it too.) If you forget the administrative stuff, don't worry about it. Remote viewing is supposed to be fun. It doesn't have to be perfect!

First, pick up a crayon and write your name in the upper right-hand corner of a sheet of festive-colored construction paper. At Pru Watch, we like to use Secret Agent code names like "PruMeister" to pretend we're real "psychic spies" and enhance the circus atmosphere.

Next, just below your Secret Agent Code Name, write the date (if you can still remember it, that is).

Under the date, write the time that you're beginning the FRV™ session: lunchtime, teatime, dinnertime, snacktime, or bedtime. (Bedtime is for super-psychic spies who can FRV™ while fast asleep in the delta state.)

Then, write the name of the Target ("objectives" are for sissies) in the upper left-hand corner of your construction paper.

If this is a monitored session, write your partner's Secret Agent Code Name under the name of the Target.

Under that, specify the "blinding type." The types of blinding are as follows:

FS = Far-Sighted
NS = Near-Sighted
MY = Myopic
CB = Color-Blind
BD = Blind-Drunk

Next, in the upper middle portion of your construction paper, declare your Physical State (PS), Emotional State (ES), and Intellectual State (IS). Women please also declare your PreMenstrual State (PMS).

Physical State is the current physical condition of your own body. You must declare your physical state, even if you are self-conscious about your body, so I can decide whether to scope you out as a possible sex partner or laugh at you behind your back. So after "PS" write your actual physical condition, such as "aerobically-fit" or "good muscle tone" or "hunk" or "figure-8" or "svelte" or "flabby" or "80-lb weakling" or "I'm not fat, I'm big-boned" or "morbidly obese," etc.

Emotional State is your current emotional condition. You must declare your emotional feelings, so I can assess exactly how vulnerable and suggestible you are. After "ES" write your actual emotional condition such as "depressed over loss of significant other" or "bitter over failure to find significant other" or "hopelessly obese" or "worried about finances" or "reasonably content." If you wrote "ES-reasonably content," drop your crayon and then pick it up. Now think again. Are you absolutely sure you're reasonably content? There must be SOMETHING you're unhappy about. Whatever it is, write it down. This information will allow me to manipulate you by holding out hope of self-acceptance, financial security, a fullfilling love life, abundant happiness, and FUN!

Intellectual State is your current level of intelligence. You must declare your intellectual state so I know whether I can take advantage of your stupidity or whether I must ostracize you before you see through my bullshit and scream "fraud". So after "IS" write your actual intellectual condition, such as "dumb as a doornail" or "moron" or "space cadet" or "ditzy" or "average intelligence" or "bright" or "very bright." If you wrote "IS-bright" or "IS-very bright," drop your crayon and return to your conventional, pre-psi life because--if you don't--my friends and I will brand you as nasty and mentally-disturbed and anti-female, and run you out of town before you ask too many questions that might expose the nice little scam I've got going here.

Remember: Remote viewing is supposed to be fun, and it doesn't have to be perfect. You get what you get--and you're getting hoodwinked! ;-)

PreMenstrual State is the point you are in your menstrual cycle if you are female. You must declare your PreMenstrual condition so I know how explosive you are. After "PMS" write "yes" or "no." If you wrote "PMS-yes," drop your crayon, pop a couple of Midol, and isolate yourself in a hermetically-sealed room. FRV™ is NOT for you today.

Beneath this administrative junk, draw a horizontal line across the entire width of your construction paper. Ideally, your FRV™ header should now look something like this:

Remote Viewing Header

If not, don't worry about it. It doesn't have to be perfect. Now drop your crayon and reward yourself by kicking back with another martini. Remote viewing is supposed to be fun!


Where was I? Oh, yeah....

Ready, set, here we go!

Now I'm going to pick up my crayon and my monitor, James Bondage, is going to read me the coordinate: I-N-I-T-R-A-M. My relaxed hand will then produce the cornerstone of Fanciful Remote Viewing—the Idiotgram™—by reflexively doodling across the paper like this....

Remote Viewing Session Idiotgram

Oh, shit. I knocked over my martini... .

Well, let's not forget the cardinal rule in FRV™ which is KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. It doesn't have to be perfect! You get what you get--and my construction paper got wet!

Hey, wait a minute. I think I've just stumbled upon an amazing new discovery: REALITY RV! Let's slap a trademark on that puppy before someone steals it.   RRV™   There, that's better... .

Damn, I'm good. In fact, I'm a genius! I've just improved those old, fuddy-duddy, carefully-researched CRV protocols yet again. Wow, I'm light years ahead of my time. Yay!

OK everybody, let's take a break to give the construction paper a chance to dry and to mix up a few more martinis—stirred, not shaken, because WE ARE PSYCHIC SPIES. ;-)

and now a word from our sponsor...

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